Scent of Spices

Prologue

I’m still completely intoxicated, in love.
And with this love, I watch the circle.
- Chogyam Trungpa

Yesterday, I took some photos
Of my feet at the lake; did you know
The camera
Is an ordinary one?

Yesterday my feet, you know
My feet are always wet
From standing in sweet water,

Wet from waiting,
waiting for you, my love

***

1. Poet’s Pyre

In a blindfolded world
I go to beat the deathless drum
– Bhikku Nanamoli

This isn’t the first poem
I’ve taken out from the dusty old file
There are a number of poems which are still
Fresh and smell of new earthen pots

Agnaye swaha!
It’s the primary offering for the pyre
The journey into your being
And not-being

You were here till yesterday
And in the yellow at the corners
Of leaves you now stand as a pen in my hand
In its scratches on paper
You’re the rolling wind through my fan
I smell you as I smell sharp spices

Agnaye swaha!
This is the second offering I make
For your pyre

The boat is in the sea
The net is in the boat
The fish are in the net
The fisherman is killing the fish
Blue is a shadow that fades
A boat is the one that sinks
I am a fish for you

Agnaye swaha!
You are
In the verses of this poem’s remains
We wrote them together, remember?
The words
The melody
The hum of our breaths
You’re in here
In the threads of my thoughts
In the endless infinity of my love
For you

Agnaye swaha!
And forever and a day
You’ll remain with the poem
And the empty box
And the fallen leaves from trees
And the smell of spices as it fades away

2. Marks of Deterioratation on New Moon’s Day

When I meet the right consort
My thoughts become clear
- Chogyam Trungpa

This time again
You’ve given yourself up to prison
You’ve built the walls yourself
And now you live in the heavy dungeon,
Even cracks won’t allow entry

A draft, but inside I see you smile,
You shine like the light of the sun
Oh what a glow your name still has!

This time you’ve cheated on me!
I who’ve given you warm kisses on your feet
and stroked your whole body with my eyelashes

Last night, on my window sill
I saw the marks of deterioration
And of the creeping death
Of my poems ending
In corpses, and my fingers are stiff
With pain in my neck
And shoulders
And the crack inside
My body ache is at war

I’m turning from river to blood

3. I’m afraid of thunder

Sesame oil is the essence;
Although the ignorant know that it’s in the sesame seed,
They don’t understand the way, the effect, and becoming.
- Chogyam Trungpa

For a long while a smile is coming to me
Like the butterfly
It flutters to lips
But I’m still afraid of thunder

What will happen when thunder
Awakens me?

The pathways are disappearing
And in the undergrowth, the shadows of Pipal trees,
There’s a thousand deaths waiting
On every branch---
Never a nightingale!

Oh, shall I clap my hands
And see how they scatter my fear?

Fly away, come away with the sound
Of the clap of my hands!
I’m the vulture preying on the bird
Of love
I’m dipping my fingers into its broken feathers
Searching for vermin to scatter them
Into the snake-holes

Oh look at you, a half broken branch
about to fall!

You’re an illusion in my hallucination
- But I’ve known this for a long time now -
You’re selfless selfishness!
I’ve learned that from your company
I’ve discovered how you’re my myth
I can’t leave you

Because your love is sweet honey
On my lips
Your nectar the nectar
Dripping onto my neck
It’s from the lotus
It comes from Udaipur
Oh, don’t leave me!

The pen on my desk,
Its inscriptions and strokes,
I refuse to write!
Just shelter me and hide me
In the eye of a needle
In the threads of things I’ve left alone

4. Amberiod Flower

The birds warble their glad songs.
Spring blossoms in the treetops.
- Louis Nordstrom.

A long time ago, I---
But then my amberoid flowers
Oh my sari
It was the fragrance I send you
Through the cracks in the walls
Hoping to cover
The distance towards you

5. You’re mehandi, the henna of theFull Moon's Day

How much more so when perpetually diseased
By the manifold evils of desire?
- Shantideva

I’ve discovered my feet
And after walking almost half the way
To where you are,
Oh what’s so strange!

And now on the road to red lotuses
Where my heels had tread
There are blossoms between my toes
Red Valentine for good luck!

I adore my feet
They have faces
What’s this,--- your fingers?
Are you stroking
Touching
Feeling my faces?

My lost lovely friend
You are mehandi, the henna
To decorate my feet

I draw flowers for you on my feet.
Vasant spring is already here!
The sun is shining
Take off your sweater, my love!

Shishir is when ice falls from the heavens
Greeshm summer is green
And on my shoulders
I am ready for running
Just put a fingertip on a toe
And write your name on it
My journey is flashing pink
More red than ever
- My journey towards you

6. Tickle and Dance

The trees and also the great woods
All are made splendid in the 10 directions
– Edward Conze

This is not a river, so it doesn’t need
The mountain to shoulder against
It’s a lake! The sweet Lake Udaipur!
The honey lake in the lap of the marusthal desert
It’s kokh womb that never gets dry
Never goes from here to menopause

No, no my dost lover! My lover!

You can’t light the pyre with or on it
Nor on my sari pallu’s end
That’s reserved for my children
To play on
To tickle me on
- Hear them laughing and dancing

Look! Oh look! I’m not a dried up water reservoir
I’m the lake, my womb’s the water
This world is inside me!

7 -Cuppan Chuppi- Hide-and-Seek

In the sea of my mind the words as waves have risen
In recollection of the Great Queen
- Chockyam Trungpa

Lake! O dear Lake! Play Cuppan chuppi,
Hide-and-seek with me!
I turn and run away from Udaipur
I hide myself behind a coconut tree

Where is that girl?
Where she is?
Where is my playmate?
Oh this is—chooooooo!

Time passes by, days.
I’ve forgotten to show myself, forgotten it!
like I’ve forgotten the way in which
I’d first come to you

My dear lake! My dear lake!
You changed your sari’s colour!
You wear no veil!
Why is there a teardrop in your eye?
Is it because of me?

Where is that girl?
Where she is?
Where is my playmate?
Oh this is—chooooooo!

Will they come look for me?
I’m sitting in the shrub of thorns

8. Hands on Shoulders

I go to Kasi’s city now
To set the wheel of law in motion
– Bhikku Nanamoli

Rivers run and can meet each other
But sakhiyan friends never meet again in life
After their marriages, when they ‘ve left
With their loved ones
They never come back

Come, put your hand on my shoulder,
I’ll keep mine on yours

Come let’s gossip: that girl nextdoor
Fell in love
Between the earthen walls
Separating the fields
Let’s weave a thread of gossip
As long as threads of memories

9 . Anklet Bells on Protector's Day

Dancing in space
Clad in clouds
Eating the sun and holding the moon,
The stars are my retinue.
- Chocyam Trungpa

Come swim in me, come
Do your washing in me!
Come and clean your dirty dresses
Because how much dirt can you carry
Onn your journey towards life’s end?

Come meet me at Lake Udaipur
Come and spill your holiness in me
in my womb

When night falls
A thousand narataki dancers come out
To dance for me

Let’s dance, my love!
Dance with our breasts touching
Dance with our colourful feet
Full on the lotus bloom

Hear! anklette bells ring
Chann-channn-chanan chann

Your diamond toe ring, white lily,
Plays with my breasts
Touch my nipples with your toes
Play-run your feet over the valley
Of my tummy
I have a thousand lotuses
For your hands and feet,
My feet, see how lush red
I am
Blushing now!

Don’t worry, my pilgrim!
Don’t worry, my poet!
I’ve discovered all of my feet
Again and again
And many, many years ago
I danced like a Raj Nartaki
Will you dance with me now?

I will teach you the journey of how feet
Charevehi! Chareveri!
Keep on running
Faster and faster
Walking into arms of lovers

10. Small Flowery Marks of Lotuses

Rain, sleet, snow, ice - as such
They may different, but when melted,
They're the same valley stream water.
- Thomas Cleary

That evening
At Godhuli, when the cows were there
And the Temple bells rang

Shecame out from herhiding

Behind the mango tree, she – There!
A baby girl dangling from her arms
A baby girl pockmarked with tiny
Flowerbuds
Lotuses tied to her feet

Where will I take my child?
Hush! Don’t cry!
Look at Udaipur---The mother and father sigh
What shall I do with a baby girl?
Drown it?

Why are a thousands baby girls wasted
On the shores of lake Udaipur?
Why every year thrown away
like poisoned sulphuric sand?

Look at the bird, it’s beak is yellow
That is my baby girl with a ribbon
She’s in the tree
She flies
She sings
And when she dives through the sky
Her beak turns blue
A blue like the Holy Blue Shrine
At the entrance of Lake Udaipur

It was a yesterday that she picked a berry for me!
Today she picked two blue-black ones
And offered them to my folder nest
For poetry, a papaya piece
She gave me
And a mango bite - so sweet

11. The singing mother on Dakini day

In the sea of my mind the words as waves have risen
In recollection of the Great Queen.
- Chockyam Trungpa

All the palaces and pearls in the world are for you
My son
Oh mother, going from you,
Don’t send me away!
Don’t send me far away, oh mother!

She was singing on the banks
Of Udaipur
At the wide open lake
Don’t send me away!
Don’t send me far away, oh mother!

I’ll be the parrot in your garden
I’ll live in your golden cage
You can seal it tight with a song of yours
Don’t send me away, oh mother

Why did you send me away?
I’m your daughter
I’m your singing daughter

12. Pain like a Blanket

Eating the sun and holding the moon,
the stars are my retinue.
- Chogyam Trungpa

The aroma of spices
The crosses over the lake
The crosses over the sea
The boundries across the sky

The day - is it
Your gift to me or
Mine to you?

A yellow day
But why when I’m happy
Does pain rolls over me like a blanket?

13. Tale of the Rain Girl

May the Ocean benefit
Those who sail beyond the great sea.
- Chockyam Trungpa

The farmer girl sings

Give me rain, Black Cloud!
Wet me completely, Black Cloud!

My crops are dry,
Black Cloud, give me rain!

She begs for happiness
And love for her brothers
And her father
And her cow
And across the forest her voice
Reaches the sea

But when she’s living in the city of rain
Her body is wet
And her heart goes
To where the peacock dances
On her thigh
To where the lilies grow
Where she walks

Let my beloved come into my home
Oh my beloved, come to my house
I’m a farmer's girl dressed
In gagara black
Come to me, my beloved
Come to my dream
Come with loosened hair and oared eye
Come tonight!

But oh, please don’t get lost
Lost like sleep
Lost like a faraway lover
That’s never there

Lost in the rain

No body knows the story after Pralaya, the doom
Not even lake Udaipur
But me

14. Letters to My Love

In the waters of the mind.
Even the waves break against it
And shatter into light.
- Achaan Chah.

I write letters to my lover
And letting them float on the water of Udaipur
I can see him dancing fishing them out

My letters are little lighting lamps
Floating in the night on the palms
Of Banjarin street dancers

I wrote the words of the letters
On black papers
Using black ink
Will my beloved be able to read them
In red?

I wrote in the languages of love
Sanskrit – the only one I know
But what do I know not
Will he read my letters in love
Too?

He’s my lover
He isn’t my lover
He loves me
He loves me not
Oh daisy flower of love
Make my love true for him!

Invisible as the black worlds
In colourful Samsara,
Nirvana written in white
With white ink?
No! he’s red as the night!

O my dear lake
Help me, where are you?
Udaipur, come rescue me!

15. Aroma of Love

Hears the limitless laughter of transcendent joy,
The poisonous snake becomes amrita
- Chogyam Trungpa

What is this, when I kept
3 ilayachi cardamons on my palm?

We say farewell
The journey will be safe

You’ll come home
With the aroma of love!

***

Epilogue

Didn’t I tell you it was there?
You could have found it without trouble, after all.
- Louis Nordstrom.

Yesterday

Yesterday, I took some photos
Of my feet, my running feet
You do know the camera!

- It’s an ordinary one

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